Do We Ever Really Know?

Alone in a small café and enjoying a pot of peppermint tea, while reading David Bergen's The Time In Between, I was unable to maintain my concentration this afternoon. Lines of print became entangled with the strands of a nearby conversation. Just as some things, once know, cannot be un-known, there are some conversations which cannot be not heard.

Chattering at the café owner in order to pass the time while waiting on her take-out order, a young woman provided a rather detailed account of her academic pursuits. This woman, majoring in psychology and currently in the fourth year of her undergraduate studies, stated that she is considering becoming a midwife. Yep, you read me correctly.

What struck me most was her declaration that "decisions are scary." Yeah, they are. More frightening is not making choices. She thinks she could "do" her Ph.D and work as a psychologist but she knows that she doesn't "love it."

"I could do my Ph.D but, I don't know... I just don't love it. Decisions are scary. I don't know. I just don't know what I want to be."

I have an honours degree in Psychology. And a minor in Classical Studies. At twenty-four, I also didn't know what I wanted (do we ever, really?). So, I 'took some time' to 'figure things out'. 'Time' became a job at a small vegan restaurant, followed by a couple of trendy coffee-shop bars, and then a waitressing position at a Celtic pub. Seven years disappeared.

I've met great people and I've met assholes. I've had dreams and nightmares of shifts. There have been nights I've made as much as $30/hr. There have been weeks that my grocery list was as long as peanut butter, bread, and eggs (oh, so cheap and versatile). Like much of an average life, waitressing is unpredictable.

Last autumn, I enrolled myself back into the University of Windsor. I've chosen a passion. I know what I love and, finally, 'what I want to be when I grow up'. Years from now I do not want to be waitressing. I would like to be teaching English to high-school students. Ironically, the owner of the little place that I was sipping tea and trying to read in, he has a degree in accounting. I'm in school in order to eventually get out of the industry; he prefers the industry to his area of study. Neither good nor bad choices, just personal. Decisions may be daunting but a little fear may motivate a long way. Especially when the goal is also a love.